Children today are tyrants. They contradict their parents, gobble their food, and tyrannize their teachers.

Linux Possibly Defamed Somewhere

When a girl marries she exchanges the attentions of many men for the inattentions of one.

All it takes is one bad day to reduce the sanest man alive to lunacy. That's how far the world is from where I am. Just one bad day.

All stories are true, some just never happened.

The hardest thing you will ever do in life is grow up to be who you were really meant to be.

You only live twice: once after you're born and once before you die.

My fellow Americans: I'm pleased to tell you today that I've signed legislation that will outlaw Russia forever. We begin bombing in five minutes.

Hewlett-Packard: responsible for confusing generations of calculator users.

Life is never boring, if it is, you're playing wrong.

It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones slept better... while the bad ones seemed to enjoy the waking hours much more.

Reality continues to ruin my life.

The more you know the less you need to say.

Beginning today, treat everyone you meet as if he or she were going to be dead by midnight. Extend to them all the care, kindness, and understanding you can muster, and do so with no thought of any reward. Your life will never be the same again.

If you must hold yourself up to your children as an object lesson, hold yourself up as a warning and not an example.