Weekends don't count unless you spend them doing something completely pointless.

Knowledge is knowing that a tomato is a fruit, wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad

The Superman exists, and he's American

No pleasure, no rapture, no exquisite sin greater... than central air.

Mockingbirds don’t do one thing but make music for us to enjoy... but sing their hearts out for us. That’s why it’s a sin to kill a mockingbird.

Shared pain is lessened. Shared joy is increased.

If you wish to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first invent the universe.

Knowledge without mileage is bullshit

A lie told often enough becomes the truth.

I like to start every day by drinking a double espresso and punching a shark in the face

Light thinks it travels faster than anything but it is wrong. No matter how fast light travels, it finds the darkness has always got there first, and is waiting for it.

For me, I am driven by two main philosophies, know more today about the world than I knew yesterday. And along the way, lessen the suffering of others. You'd be surprised how far that gets you.

Any Government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always count on Paul's vote.

In an happy marriage you argue about the same thing every night. In an unhappy marriage you find something new to argue about every night.

Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the universe together...

A mind needs books as a sword needs a whetstone, if it is to keep its edge.

The cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity.

The best time to plant an oak tree was twenty-five years ago. The second best time is today.

The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter.

When you train [people] to be risk averse, then you're training [them] to be reward challenged.

Fantasy is the impossible made probable. Science fiction is the improbable made possible.

When you are born, you cry, and the world rejoices. When you die, you rejoice, and the world cries.

I don't have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who'd be mad at me for saying that

You can only be young once. But you can always be immature

Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards